The Guy I'm Seeing Doesn't Want to Use Condoms...Red Flag?

September 22, 2023

I started seeing a new guy almost a month ago. He's very nice, attractive, a free spirit and I would like to continue seeing him.

We had sex for the first time, and when we were getting frisky I grabbed him a condom. He was fully turned on before but as soon as he put it on he just couldn’t get hard... to be fair he is very well endowed, but I gave him a magnum which I believe is about the largest condom I could find. He kept saying how he had just gotten tested, and that’s one worry of mine for sure since we’re not exclusive, but I also explained that I’m not on birth control.

Is This a Red Flag?

This whole experience is giving me a lot of anxiety. I ended up taking a plan B and it’s causing me stress. I'm far too young to have a child and he doesn’t seem like the type for that at least in the foreseeable future too.

So is this a red flag that he doesn't want to use condoms? Should I be concerned about his reaction and insist on protection in the future? I would love to get feedback from others on how to navigate this situation.

Insights from the Community

Many people in the dating community chimed in with their thoughts on this situation:

  • This is a major red flag if he doesn't respect your boundaries and insistence on using protection. Your health and safety should be the priority.
  • Don't rely on Plan B as your birth control method. It has a high dose of hormones and should only be used in emergencies, not regularly.
  • You can't fully trust claims about being recently tested and clean - ask to see recent test results for proof.
  • Try different condoms to find ones that work better for him. But don't compromise your boundaries.
  • If you're not comfortable having unprotected sex, make that clear. Don't do anything you're not 100% on board with.
  • His inability to stay hard with a condom on is his own issue to deal with, not yours. Don't risk your wellbeing over it.
  • Look out for yourself first here. If he can't respect your wishes to use protection, he's not worth the risk of STDs or pregnancy.

The Takeaway

At the end of the day, you need to put your health and safety first. Don't let anyone pressure you into having unprotected sex if you're not comfortable with it. This guy's reaction is a red flag - he should respect your boundaries without question. Insist on condoms or don't have sex with him. And don't rely on Plan B or just take his word about STI tests. Protect yourself and make your own wellbeing the priority.

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