I'm Tired of Hearing I'm So Great, So Why Am I Still Single?

September 25, 2023

We've all been there. Your friends and family constantly tell you how great you are and how they just can't understand why you're still single. They list off all your amazing qualities - you're tall, good looking, have cool hobbies like playing guitar. On paper, you sound like an absolute catch. But the reality is, you're not having any luck in dating and you feel frustrated.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. As a dating coach, I hear this sentiment from my male clients all the time. They get told repeatedly that they're such great guys and should have no problem finding a girlfriend. But the constant comments just make them feel worse about their lack of dating success.

Why You Shouldn't Put Too Much Stock in Compliments

First things first - take compliments from friends and family with a grain of salt. They love you and are biased. The brutal truth is that being attractive or interesting on paper doesn't directly translate to attracting dates. There's much more that goes into it.

As one commenter on Reddit this put it:

"Your friends and family will usually give you a rose-colored assessment of yourself. The truth is, while everything you mentioned are positives, they're not what sparks sexual attraction in women."

So don't beat yourself up just because you don't live up to the unrealistic expectations of others.

Tips to Actually Start Attracting Women

Rather than obsessing over why women aren't flocking to you, focus your energy on specific actions you can take to improve your dating life.

Here are some tips:

1. Work on your flirting and conversational skills.

This was one of the most common pieces of advice given in the Reddit thread. You could be the most attractive guy in the room, but if you don't know how to talk to women, it won't get you far. Practice flirting, banter, teasing - things that build chemistry.

2. Put yourself out there more.

If you're more introverted or shy, push yourself to approach women, start conversations, and ask for numbers. Online dating is another great avenue. Being passive will get you nowhere.

As one commenter put it:

"You have to make the first move dude, they're not going to do it for you regardless of how attractive you are as a man."

3. Focus on self-improvement.

Do a deep dive on your personality, lifestyle, mindset and see where you can level up. Not to attract women per se, but to build your overall confidence and happiness. Women are drawn to men who are comfortable in their own skin.

4. Expand your social circles.

Branch out from your usual friend group and hobbies. Try a new class or activity that exposes you to fresh social circles. The more women you interact with, the more chances you have of meeting someone special.

The Takeaway

At the end of the day, don't get hung up on what others think of your dateability. Focus on taking action to put yourself out there more and become the best version of yourself. Date for the right reasons - to meet someone you have genuine chemistry with, not to live up to external pressures and expectations.

Dating is challenging for most people, regardless of how great they are on paper. But having the right mindset, putting in the work, and staying patient increases your chances of success tremendously. You've got this!