Choosing to Wait: Insights from a 34-Year-Old Virgin on Marriage
In today's hookup culture, it may seem old-fashioned or even strange to wait until marriage to have sex. However, for some people, abstaining from sex until they meet "the one" is an important personal value.
This topic recently came up in an insightful Reddit thread started by a 34 year old man who opened up about being a virgin not due to lack of opportunity, but because he can't bring himself to sleep with a woman unless he knows he will marry her.
He expressed feeling envious of his male friends who have had many sexual partners, and wondered if his views on sex made him weird. The responses revealed mixed opinions on whether waiting for marriage is odd in today's society.
The Case for Waiting
Many commenters reassured the original poster that he is not weird for waiting to have sex until marriage. Reasons cited included:
- Religious or cultural beliefs - Some religions encourage abstinence until marriage, so this could be part of the poster's moral code.
- Avoiding regrets - By only sleeping with someone he is sure he will commit to, he avoids potential guilt over casual sex.
- Valuing intimacy - Waiting signals that sex is meaningful, not just physical. As one commenter put it, "You seek a higher purpose than just self gratification."
- Finding the right life partner - Marrying as a virgin means avoiding comparisons to past partners, and instead learning together.
- Staying true to yourself - In a world of hookups and casual flings, abstaining shows admirable self-control and commitment to your values.
The Case Against Waiting
On the other side, some responders argued there are drawbacks to abstaining until marriage:
- Sexual incompatibility - Without having sex first, you may end up committing to someone you're incompatible with physically. Bad sex can ruin marriages.
- Lack of experience - By never having sex, some felt the original poster is missing out on chances to learn about himself, relationships, and what he likes sexually.
- Unrealistic expectations - Both partners being virgins could lead to uncomfortable conversations and disappointment as you fumble through first-time sex together after the wedding.
- Changing times - While waiting was more common historically, today's dating culture sees sex as a normal part of relationships, so abstaining could limit options.
- Missing out - A few commenters felt the poster is "missing out on life experiences" by not sowing his wild oats while young.
Key Takeaways: To Wait or Not to Wait?
While opinions differed on whether waiting until marriage is advisable or strange in today's society, some overarching themes emerged:
- There is no "right" choice - everyone must decide for themselves what feels comfortable based on their beliefs, values, and relationship goals.
- Don't judge others - whether you wait or not, respect that everyone's path is personal. Neither choice is morally "superior."
- Communication is key - be upfront with partners about your views on sex timelines to avoid hurt feelings.
- Learn together - couples can build intimacy through openness, patience and mutual understanding as they navigate new sexual experiences.
So while it may go against the cultural grain, if your morals preclude sex outside of marriage, don't feel weird. Stay true to your values, find a partner who shares them, and let your connection guide your pace. How and when you first make love is just one chapter in the story of a lifetime relationship.
In the end, only you can decide the right path on your journey toward finding true love.
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