As a Woman, Why is it So Hard to Attract Other Girls But So Easy to Attract Men?

September 21, 2023

As a bisexual woman with a preference for women, I’ve noticed a frustrating pattern in my dating life. I have zero luck matching with women on dating apps, but as soon as I switch to looking at men, I get tons of matches instantly. What gives?

After polling my fellow queer lady friends, it seems I’m not alone in this phenomenon. Attracting men comes easy as pie, but attracting women feels next to impossible. As someone socialized as a woman interested in other women, what can I do to increase my chances?

Here Are 5 Reasons Why Women Struggle To Attract Other Women:

1. Sheer Numbers

Simply put, there are way more straight men in the world than queer women. Basic statistics means women seeking women are working with a much smaller dating pool. According to surveys, only about 2% of women identify as lesbian or bisexual, whereas around 93% of men identify as straight or mostly straight.

With far more fish in the sea, no wonder it's easier to get a bite when fishing in the man pond!

2. Passiveness In Dating

Women are socialized to take a more passive role in dating. Think of tired old gender stereotypes - men make the first move, men plan the dates, men pursue women.

As a woman interested in women, passiveness becomes a double-edged sword. Even when there’s mutual attraction between two ladies, neither may act on it.

3. Pickiness

Studies show women are simply pickier when it comes to dating, period. While men cast a wide net, ruthlessly swiping right, women only match with someone they can actually envision getting drinks with.

With the limited dating pool for wlw, pickiness gets distilled down further. Queer women get even choosier about who they engage.

4. Feminine Presentation

For better or worse, how you present yourself impacts who swipes right. When seeking women, those who present more masculine often have more luck. Subconscious signals like short nails or queer friends in photos tend to attract more women.

As someone feminine presenting, I may attract more men, but come across as straight or just experimenting to queer women.

5. Making The First Move

Once again, passiveness hinders us. Women rarely initiate in dating scenarios. Even when two queer women match, neither makes the first move, and the connection fizzles.

Among my straight female friends, it’s a running joke how even if a girl likes you, she won’t ask you out. We suffer from an inability to be direct.

Tips To Boost Your Chances With Women:

  • Use niche dating apps catering specifically to queer women. The odds are already in your favor there.
  • Make your intentions clear on your dating profile. Leave no room for interpretation on your search for women.
  • Attend LGBTQ+ events and queer spaces to meet like-minded women in real life.
  • Don’t be afraid to make the first move and ask her out. Fortune favors the bold.
  • Opt for more casual, friend-focused date ideas at first to ease into getting to know her.
  • Don’t take initial awkwardness or flakiness personally. Dating women requires patience.
  • Expand your social network to increase chances of meeting women through friends of friends.
  • Consider tweaking your personal style or profile photos to project more of a queer vibe.

While the struggle is so real, there are queer women out there looking for love! Boosting your visibility and being proactive in your search can help overcome the statistical odds. With extra effort and courage, you’ll find your girl. The juice is worth the squeeze!

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