15 Shocking Things People Learned About Their Date on the First Date
Going on a first date can be exciting but also nerve-wracking. You hope to make a good impression and find out if there's a connection. But sometimes, people reveal surprising or shocking details about themselves on the very first date.
As the creators of Filteroff, a video speed dating app, we're no strangers to the wide range of experiences people can have when meeting someone new. We polled our community to find out the most shocking things they ever learned about a date during that pivotal first encounter.
1. Criminal Behavior
Many responses involved finding out their date had a criminal history. For example, one woman's date casually mentioned "he had just gotten out of prison for murdering his wife." Others found out their dates were sex offenders, had DUIs, or were awaiting trial for more minor crimes. Criminal behavior is often a red flag.
2. Inappropriate Sexual Requests
Multiple people were shocked when their date made inappropriate sexual requests or revealed strange fetishes on the first date. For instance, one woman reported her date "asked if I could record myself peeing and send him the audio file." Making sexual requests before establishing mutual trust and consent is never okay.
3. Severe Mental Health Issues
Finding out your date struggles with untreated mental illness can be surprising and concerning. One woman shared that her date "told me he had jerked off while thinking about me before the date started so he could have a clear head." This points to compulsive sexual behavior. Another date revealed he had attempted suicide that very morning. Mental health struggles don't have to be dealbreakers, but it's reasonable to pump the brakes until treatment and stability are established.
4. Dishonest Online Profiles
Dishonesty about age, relationship status, appearance, career or interests came up frequently. One woman's date lied about his age by 12 years! Another's lied about being single and was married with kids. Online dating profiles don't always match reality. Don't be afraid to ask questions and look for inconsistencies.
5. Insensitivity About Trauma or Disabilities
Some dates made light of serious issues like trauma and disability. One woman's date made anti-Semitic jokes about her appearance. Another "corrected" his date for tentatively choosing a menu item, forcing a false confidence rather than accepting her as she is. Comments that degrade others are never okay.
6. Racism, Homophobia or Misogyny
Bigoted beliefs emerged for some unlucky daters. One woman's date touted white supremacist conspiracy theories. A lesbian woman's date made homophobic jokes. Thoughtless remarks that deny someone's humanity are obvious red flags.
7. Bizarre Hobbies or Obsessions
Quirky hobbies like Civil War reenactments may not raise eyebrows. But violent or illegal ones are cause for concern. One woman's date bragged about tormenting homeless people for fun. Another shared graphic fantasies about murdering imaginary women resembling his date. Do not ignore signs someone enjoys harming others.
8. Financial Issues
Money problems came up for several dates, from crippling debt to forgetting wallets. One young woman's date asked her for financial help on their first meeting. While financial struggles do not define someone's character, repeated borrowing or irresponsibility may signal deeper issues.
9. Secret Children
Children often came up, from men hiding their kids to disturbing abuse admissions. One woman found out her date had abandoned 9 out of 10 children from previous relationships. Others confessed to harming or exploiting minors. Hiding or harming kids is unacceptable.
10. Substance Abuse
Alcoholism and drug abuse frequently emerged. An alcoholic may jokingly ask about jail food after being locked up for a DUI. A "social" cocaine user might slip away to the bathroom at dinner. Downplaying addictions or using on the first date are unhealthy signs.
11. Unstable Housing Situations
Though homelessness does not inherently reflect poor character, it can hint at a tumultuous personal life. One woman's unemployed date presented his lack of stable housing as free-spirited independence. Be wary if signs of extreme financial or personal instability emerge early on.
12. Disrespecting Women
Some men shockingly disrespected their dates. One man critiqued his date's body and tried immediately pressuring her into sex. Another belittled his date's choices and opinions. Men who act entitled to women's bodies or thoughts will likely continue that behavior.
13. Disturbing Family Backgrounds
Meeting the family is usually far off, but family scandals arose quickly for some. One woman's date described his father murdering his mother in front of him as a child. Another's date bragged that his cousin was his backup girlfriend. Chaotic family situations often impact a person's psyche.
14. Bad Hygiene
Poor hygiene may not seem shocking, but it can be if omitted from an online profile. One woman met a date who was missing most of his teeth. Another's date refused to wear deodorant. Bad hygiene can signal other issues and makes intimacy less appealing.
15. Dangerous Political Extremism
Far-left and far-right political extremism carries underlying anger and violence. One woman's date sported neo-Nazi tattoos. Another man casually mentioned owning firearms and shooting randomly into the night. Signs of extremism must not be ignored.
First dates require some polite allowance for quirks and nerves. But recurrent red flags point to patterns that won't vanish overnight. Always trust your instincts if something feels "off" about a new match. Prioritize safety and compatibility based on their values, not just chemistry.
The right partner will share your morals and treat you with kindness and respect, even during awkward first encounters. So don't lose hope if early dates reveal dealbreakers. When you meet the one, even their flaws will become endearing with time.